2 years ago I lost my mother.
Losing your mom is hard. In fact, it is really hard, hopefully the hardest experience I will ever have in my life.
I remember always telling people how I was doing. Out of concern, they asked me, which I did appreciate, but I never could answer them. I told them it was hard, but I was good. It was always hard, but I was never good.
In fact, I am not even “good” today. Every day I think about college or even getting married, I realize she isn’t going to be there with me. She isn’t going to sit crying in the church as I say my vows or even heartily cheer when I get my diploma. She just isn’t.
I have come to realize that I will never truly accept this. I will look out at those people on my wedding day and try to find my mom’s shining, beautiful face.
I will never be able to take my kids to see their Grandma. I will never have someone to talk to about life decisions, or how I should propose to my girlfriend.
I won’t be able to come over and eat her delicious spaghetti and meatballs.
There will always be a void. There will always be an unfilled portion of reality that I am aware of.
But in the end, it is ok. I know she is there watching, sending her love to me every day as I go through life.
I will make it to tomorrow. She would have wanted me to.
Mom, I love you and miss you